2019.04.03.0934

Dreamt I was on Infinity Train. I had been kidnapped and
placed in a car that had been perfectly tailored to
my beliefs; there were many others on the train as
well, and the section I was in was run like a mental 
asylum; there was a grocery store specifically designed
for people with anorexia, where people bought food
with points instead of money; public washrooms;
I vaguely remember a lab.

I recall having felt okay with my surroundings after
having ample time to survey them.

I recall having large parchment blueprints and lighting
them on fire in order to pare down the list of
options and to work with what remained.

I recall making it to the cabin and speaking with
the conductor.

I recall having awoken at 0630 with the irrepressible
urge to masturbate, and did so. Held my own throat,
felt like I was being controlled. A parade of
identities surfaced in my mind at the mention
of Control and I smothered all of them. Orgasm
took awhile, arousal waxed and waned, and I
eventually came satisfactorily.

Circa .0654 I checked Discord, and user @Ashley#3111
asked me how everything was going.

This one replied, On track.

---

2019.04.05.0636

Met with a bunch of military-types, to see what
I could do. Some were eager, some were
hesitant. Something regarding an ice crystal.
By the end of the dream they had me in a 
gymnasium practicing airsoft. I was the
only one that wanted to do it, and when
I first arrived they had me shooting at
moving targets that were clones of myself.
Before long there were a bunch of people
in the gym; a major, some grunts, an
uptight girl who showed me how to properly 
conceal a rifle in a hoodie, hanging the
rifle from my shoulder by the hood.
Shot one of the targets in the middle of
the spine.

Earlier in the dream, I was on a road trip, and on
another portion I was in some kind of
factory. They had me try some food that tasted
awful. Later, Bezos was there and he didn't
like the food either. The fact that he was
in my dream is problematic. He knows he isn't
supposed to be talking to or touching me,
and he and his wife are even finalizing 
their divorce IRL. My interaction with him
was buried by the airsoft portion. So I
know that he's still surreptitiously manipulating
me, despite the restraining order.

---

2019.04.08.0858

Dreamt that Matt Glover from RAC invited me to some
audio thing, but it took me to a funeral parlor
instead. On the way there he asked me to create
a franken-stuffie from spare parts. There was lots
of food there so I ate my fill. He stalled and
stalled on getting things going and eventually
I fell asleep - probable inception event.

When I woke up, he was gone, as were a bunch
of other people. Went to call him and found my
phone between my buttocks, which seems like
an obvious plant, and the usual pagentry. I
wiped it off thuroughly before calling - the first
time it rung it went straight to voice mail. The
funeral parlor was in sepia tone.

Recall reading a pamphlet at some point about Despair,
and the things they had to do to get that 5m52s
of truly soul-crushing despair. I really would like
it if they would stop tangling me up in my sister's
affairs. At some point though I recall murmuring,
and I feel like I had said it out loud, and to
En Lil, 'Oh, I understand now`. I said some other
stuff too.

Incidentally, 'Oh, I understand now` was exactly what
I said at the Cheesafixion of Cheesus party*[1]
on 03.06, when Solon showed me a bottle of
wine whose label depicted Eve joyously fucking
the serpent while Adam stood dejectedly in the
background. So get fucked, Enki.

*[1] MtG<Xanafar>

---

2019.04.09.0847

Dreamt I was in prison. Had to share a room
with some guy. He was pissing me off, and I
told him I'd push him out the window if he didn't
stop. He didn't, so I pushed him out and he fell
to his death. Searched his things, found some
money and took it. Tokens also. People acted
concerned about me; one person said they wanted
to know how they could earn one of those tokens
from me.

I packed up my things and left. They didn't try to
stop me, but they released a bunch of murder 
drones on the half-prison/half-hospital property,
and I had to make it out before they started
killing.

Walked down some streets, found a house party. 
Matthew McIntosh was there, a bunch of us had
dinner. He was rude to the homeowners, made
some offensive gesture, so I climbed across
the table, grabbed some soil and packed it into
his mouth. Apparently that earned me admiration
from the homeowners. They told me to select and
take a pill from a selection of pill bottles;
first, i rearranged them, took all the 	  pills
and hid them scattered all around the others.

On the way back, there was a fair in the park, but
it cost money to enter so I went for a run
instead.

I feel very strange this morning. something is amiss.
There's an email from Matthew Wheatley in my inbox re: Draft
Biodiversity Strategy - Final Integrated Public Meeting Summary.