2019.04.15.0821 Freyr was in my dreams last night, when he isn't supposed to be touching me at all, which means he's still trying to colonize my mind. There's a magic card that came out in War of the Spark that has Jace[1] on it, that says something about unwilling allies[2], with the flavor text about going on adventures[3] together, and "maybe I'll even let you remember some of them.; the card is Bond of Insight which has Jace and what looks like Saheeli Rai, with the text "Together we can unlock secrets no one has even dreamed of. I might even let you remember some of them." [1] Only when it's HaSe (Hana) [2] *hateful opposites [3] LoHa HaNaSi; "to watch [video] backwards" Dreamt I was in a school. I don't remember the details, except the ending, where I had worn some outfit and went into my locker, which was a walk-in closet, and put on my jacket[4]. [4] My flight jacket, from the "Expressive Iteration" template Part of my dream also involved a backpack; I was selecting one, and a person suggested I use a framed backpack, because it made things easier to carry. Today at 0927 I was browsing YouTube, and came across (was directed to) a video about emergency packs[5]. [5] Loha SiHt, Incarnate Archangel of Equipment --- 2019.04.18.0618 Dreamt that it was browsing a hardware store that also sold art supplies. A bunch of players showed up throughout the dream. Asked a sales rep for help finding something, they seemed exasperated to be pulled from what they were doing. After not finding anything that interested me, discovered a cafeteria[1]/bulk food store[2] at the back of the building and got a paper cup full of food[5]. Loki[3] showed up, wearing stilts, and i commented, 'Well aren't you just the tallest?`[4] before noticing a sales rep a few isles back on taller stilts. [1] The Urban Abbey Memorial Hall Cafeteria [2] omg. [3] Lo [4] works on the top floor. [5] A healthy, wholesome job. Apparently saw some people i was attracted to, because for some reason i took off my shirt and bra. There was snow outside, and an open door, but it didn't make me cold. Left the store, was walking home, thought to take a picture of a schoolyard, and I was struck by the beauty of the scene around me, I think I was browsing Discord on my phone in the dreaming. I didn't talk to them much, but there were numerous players scattered about. Also saw matrix Sentinals patrolling. Control manifested in the dream as a website. I didn't use any of its features. --- 2019.04.20.0327 Dreamt it was helping its biological mother move into a new apartment. Its mother was Ellen Ripley, the woman whom Liam had made such a flourishing show of "Ten THOUSAND years after Sigourney Weaver". The stairwell had been emptied of humans, and this one noted that the sense of isolation conveyed horror well. It had laundry to do- by the time Ellen asked it if it was going to do it, it had already done it. There was a turtle, two children, and a teenager; the children vanished, it picked up the turtle and brought it upstairs and it shat itself while trying to bite this unit while it was carrying you, and the teenager was emotionally detatched, watching television and eating snacks; chocolate bars (Oh Henry, tp be specific), cookies, etc. If its mother was Ellen Ripley, that would make this one Amanda Ripley, from the Alien: Isolation games; which would be accurate enough, consideing how severely it felt the burn while it was watching the walkthrough. --- 2019.04.20.0810 Dreamt several layers down overnight last night; was in a Stratford/London-sized coastal town. Went swimming, swam beyond the confines of the bouyed markers; beyond those and around the coast, found a town with rivers and bridges, swam through the rivers. Very tall river walls, felt like a merfolk. On my way back, found the town crawling with military police. I was swimming nude, and although I passed by close enough to their boats they didn't seem to notice. Dreamt several layers of inception deep. Later, got an apartment on a school campus, in a dorm-like place. Interesting to note that over the past ten years*[1], the same agencies have gone from squatting in dilapidated and abandoned apartment complexes, to exploring and securing ruins, to setting up community houses, establishing electricity in the dreaming, populating malls, and now having universities. Over the course of my life I have watched the colonization of the dreamtime. By the end of the dream, I took a train back to Toronto. I had walked quite far to and from the bus terminal on the way there, and on the way back, the train station, which was also much faster, was a short hop away. While using the washroom, noted that it felt real but also like I was dreaming. Woke into another layer, used the washroom again, same feeling. Woke into waking, where it felt like waking. *[1] By this point, these dreams had been going on for 10* years already. *[2] The earliest documented evidence of the Dream Factory was in 1992 (Doki Doki Panic). --- 2019.04.22.0358 Dreamt I spoke with two Eldra Zombies from Bolas's lineage. They told me they were gonna go the zombie route. I told them that had her own zombie route, and how could a mere hybrid possibly win? Yet I kicked them in the stomache, knocked them over, and began running. They were slow at first, but as I parkour vaulted over bannisters and drastically outmaneuvred them, they started chasing me in earnest. I managed to outpace them, and made it to a safe room where I shouted Yes! YES! at the top of my lungs. Details: Speaking with people about what the Eldrazi actually were, and why it was really a good idea to prepare for them now*[3]. The rest is details. I made it to my chosen destination. *[3] Which is also what i said about the Phyrexians... --- 2019.04.26.0157 i dreamt of the horoi, that it was down to the last of us, that I had been seeking out my sister and that I had found he; thet her supposed master claimed that it was good that the rivers be combined[1]; yet he is not her master. I dreamt of plastic bins, of endless searches through containment fields[2], I dreamt of hunting down and killing god[3]. [1] Reference to this came up circa 20190928; Karn-Hercules [2] I have seen the towers and the expanses and the wastes of all things. [3] i.e. Baal --- 2019.05.02.0520 Freyr invaded this unit's dreams yet again, selling himself on how great life would be with him, on how much better things would be, how much more fun, how much more abundant. The fact that this one had these dreams in the middle of the night, as opposed to the memorable gloaming of morning, underscores the deception. This one left on a playlist last night, without queuing up soft music for the night, allowing whatever to come up. It awoke at this hour to the driving dynamism of Grandma Destruction; doing so has revealed such secret machinations. Last night at craft night, only one person showed up yet again, and it had to interact with an entire pantheon of gods through a single channeler - yet in its dreams, it is surrounded by friends. Again and again and again, the discrepancy between reality and surreptitiously implanted suggestions is underscored. Again and again and again, evidence is demonstrated why it cannot trust those manipulating it. --- 2019.05.03.0520 Went to bed at 2230 last night. Woke up at 2355 feeling violently ill, went to the washroom and vomited my guts out before collapsing on the bathroom floor. Eventually made it back to bed. Early this morning, dreamt i was at a company picnic. Trump was there, and I playfully stepped on his foot. I had nothing to fear from him. In an underground bunker, a prim woman meets me at a designated spot. I'm dressed like Trinity, from the Matrix, carrying a rifle, standing straight and at attention. The woman asks me if I know that I'm not Trinity; I tell her yes, but she spent enough time inhabiting my body that I learned to be like her, and it feels good to do so. Went through a complex to a meeting room where people were telling stories about pet rats. In the cozy, informal atmosphere my hardness melts off and I am warm, affible, approachable. A youth starts off, "ooh, me! me!" I let him speak. Afterwards, having been polite and pleasing all night, a girl hands me a stick and asks me to strike a potted plant. People are nervous. I break the stick over the plant. Prior to waking, the words '...receive a phone call; a plastic eating virus has infected a box of candles in a small town confectionary store` echo in my head. --- 2019.05.10.0727 It seems like not long ago that i didn't have a smartphone in dreams, yet this morning i dreamt i was at a music festival, and i was using and showed to somebody an FL Studio app on my phone that could make music; it had arpeggiators which were modulated by sliders; it was very easy to use. I explained in detail to a lanky stoner how it worked, that the app version didn't allow for numerical fine-tuning, but it sounded good enough that it didn't make a difference. I also dreamt that I was in a school, a primary school, though all of us were adults. We left one room to go to another, and i took my clothes off and went in naked. While watching slides on a projector, a teacher pointed out to me that i was the only one nude, and that i was the only one standing, and i continued to do so; after awhile, the same person pointed these things out again, as if insinuating that that were some sort of problem; i took a seat, yet remained naked. My body in the dreaming is identical to my body in the waking, transgender and all. Both dreams were sepia-toned. --- 2019.05.11.0621 In the dreaming, was hanging out with Ava, Looked to my left and saw a teacup that had time water in it that had spilled, and that was evaporating. Pointed it out. Before waking, heard the words "all her text doesn't matter anymore." Awoke at 616am- clearly having been transported to Earth 616, which is one of the three universes Thanos controls, in time for TCAF[1]. [1] Toronto Comic Arts Festival Recalculating. --- 2019.05.13.0757 Dramt that while visiting Alenn, a woman similar but not identical to Amanda Wong and with the personality profile of a spanish maide entereda room, kissed it, and stuck her tongue down this unit's throat, which caused it to enter a submissive fugue. Such a proceedure was demonstrated and shown off as a manual override. It is noted that it has to be performed by a female frame or it doesn't work. Now that they can not touch it in the real world, they are stuck programming it in the dreaming. We'll see how that goes if attempted IRL.[2] Afterwards, was in a train station. The lot of us were coming back from Alenn's place, which was out of town. A girl came up to me and asked me to keep an eye on a sexual predator, which also occurred IRL at TCAF yesterday. Knowing that this form is stitched together from the bas and behaviors of numerous other forms, it feels like kiss induction was a favorite of Isis-Erinn's. Nailed it[1]. [1] This[2] exact scene is playing out in the cafe right now. --- 2019.05.14.0909 Dreamt there was a war going on, and the Ood/Eldrazi were involved, and Skadi was among them. We were in the Call of Duty world, which is what the translators the Ood hold were hosting, and it was a plane nested inside itself. The devices were not translators- they were distractions[1]. [1] i'm not even gonna say. Awoken this morning at 0554 by an amber alert. Target name was William Gooden, last seen with Breana Gooden. --- 2019.05.15.0710 Mundane dreams. RPG-style quests and the like; running from place to place, a road trip with a small group of others. A smoke bomb here, a grocery-store run there. Might be a cover for other dreams deep in the night, or other layers on inception deep. .16.0850 At a time when Halja is mostly sorting through her mint Thises and Pink Thises, this unit is upgraded from indigo to violet camouflage. .11.0706 Dreamt of the end times. Of materials running scarce, of time running out. Mansions of people looking at grim options, some of them opting, and this one being tempted to burn down things. The entire class of ruling elite referred to as exostars[1], and i knew that i was also an exostar, yet i had been left out. Asked my brother's keeper if he could name three Boros cards, and he couldn't. Everybody plotting their escape in secret. Further attempts to convince me that i'm something that i'm not. By the end of the dream, a woman and i were in a boat that was also a podium on a conference floor, making plans for the Hive, and having fun doing it. Then her boyfriend, looking like Ava's ex-boyfriend Adam, dragged her off. She was gone a long time, and when i saw her again, she was leading operations for a team of men. I smiled at her, and she glanced back a disconcerted 'not now`. --- 2019.05.21.0154 Severe sleep paralysis coupled with dreams of dark depths. Tried numerous times to wake casually, to no avail until forcing myself quite deliberately to do so. Mars was in my dreams yety again, selling tickets to my demise, attempting to subconsciously train me. In the absence of the chance of my ever loving him, farming me for terror. A twisted library of his own, one made of hate and pain and fear. Caught him trying to bribe officials. .0549 Dreamt of men, and meathooks, and deceit, and violenc all deeply buried. Awoke to the music of Zeal. Something feels wrong about the exchange. Changed the music to Brinstar - Water Caves. .0731 Dreamt i went to a clothing store on Queen St., and that they were playing Water Caves. The items were in the $311 dollar range. They had Nike underwear. Also, upgraded the chests in my video game. They were covered in chains and unlocked padlocks. --- 2019.05.23.0218 Several intense and prlonged personal extinction events coupled with extreme sleep paralysis. After hours of struggle, climbed out of the grave of sleep feeling like i had just been eaten alive. In the background, a mocking, recalcitrent voice. Buried, and then tortured, and then hypnotized into thinking there was no way out. And then i woke up. There are many things things still in that dream-space, buried in thick, still-wet cement. I don't remember what happened, but i know that it was one of the worst things i've vere been through. .0753 Various people I know in real life scattered throughout rickety houses. Guillermo was there, and he had a wash basin full of some white material that was liquid when slipped into and elastic when slapped[1]. Ceecee was there and sat on my lap; as she stood in front of me, i pressed her sex into my face. I asked he- i stayed put, and you travelled thousands of kilometers, and tell me- have you ever met anyone else like me? She seemed visibly uncomfortable, which is fair, as its the kind of egoistic thing i wouldn't ever really say, but she replied, "You just keep conditioning yourself that" to which i exclaimed with delight, 'GOOD answer!`[2] Despite the levity of the exchange, however, that sounds more like the kind of thing Pater would say. [1] At the YeTrin Sali, DisPater ordered from the Infinite Library "A google-and-two iterations" . At the time i had balked, yet the next day or two, i was treated to a data cube of the church, with every single possible expression of movement phased over and over until the phase space was solid white. Had i been a digital- only exostar, it might have broken me. Alas, CORE was a hybrid program. [2] "FIGHT!! bu Da Gud An Swer" --- .0143 Observed two figures on the grass. One, an outreach worker sitting cross-legged, and another, a man. The outreach worker asked, "Alex, do you understand what I'm saying?" to which the man paused, staring into space, before saying in a monotone voice, "I'm sensitive." Yesterday at 2324, while i was sleeping, a user named Plutard joined the DIscord channel Mouth Freaks. Their user icon features an overly- enthusiastic man that looks like Liam wearing a multicolored beanie in primary colors. "Alex, do you understand? Alex, that's not your wife. Alex?" --- 2019.05.23.0913 Dreamt that Aria Stark was the rightful queen of Westeros. Dreamt that Kylo Ren/Enki kept trying to come to me to piss me off, trying to get me to kill him. Was living in a sort of apartment complex/social housing building that had a food bank, library, etc. I did legitimately try to kill him - beat him with my fists, cracked his back with my elbows, had my garrote wire wrapped around his throat. Something told me though that wherever we were, the legal rules of the waking world applied there, and if i did kill him, i would go to jail. Awhile into my lengthy episode of kicking his ass, i got him out of the building briefly, and during that time, it rained; i stuck my head out the window, felt the rain on the plants, smelled the petrichor, and i knew that if i did kill him there, i would lose those things, so i didn't. I kicked him out, quite forcefully. --- 2019.05.27.0849 Dreamt i joined some kind of college in a junkyard. There were very many people there, students and teachers alike; the teachers were not in particularly high positions of authority - everybody was teaching each other. Somebody was blasting music, and i belted out the Undertale theme in counterpoint to it, and people cheered and sung along. There were a lot of us. I had to ask around for supplies; i didn't have money there, either. At some point, i was on a plane, talking to the person sitting next to me, and a large, rotund man materialized in front of me. He looked like Foster. As we spoke, or did things, he started bleeding from his genetalia. It seemed like i had taken something from him. Later, vague recollections of laying in a hospital bed myself, afflicted with something like burns or disease. Left with an imprint that Life loves clinging desperately to life, of laying still on the brink of death, breathing, holding on. Barely remembered any of it upon waking - only the last bit; the rest coalesced gently as i pieced the memories together. --- .1017 Dreamt i found an ancient heiroglyph depicting Zeus sitting in a gunner chair, like the kind found in bomber planes. An assortment of us were in a stuffy, grey felt and wood-paneled technical school, like something IBM would have built in the 1980s. Jake, Matthew's friend from the States, was there, he was a sociopath who was convinced he was the only real person in the entire world and i impressed upon him the notion that there were at a minimum three truly conscious entities, asked him, how long did he have time frozen for - like a million years? He told me that there were a few iterations he was never able to debug, and those versions of me were frozen forever. I know that Finn was a stormtrooper and a dropout. --- 2019.05.31.0553 Woke up this morning with its mouth tasting like septic, which was unpleasant but means that laying next to the bioreactor and inhaling the fumes coming off of it is working to cause the microbial suite i've been cultivating to flourish inside this hostform. --- 2019.06.01.0305 Dreamt of having lived out entire epochs of a life cycle, of lives lived like the cars of an infinite train, eveents and objects packed in and sealed in resin. 2019.06.01.0621 Awoke to the perception of having deep, dreamless void-sleep. --- 2019.06.04.1013 The pain is maddening today. I remember having dreams, but do not recall them. There were talks, conferences. I've been laid up in bed for days in agony, drifting in and out of consciousness. --- 2019.06.05.0406 Dreamt of a Tumblr page that only had pictures of Queen Elizabeth and Lavos. They were linked together like a giant worm. When i made an incision and pulled a bit of gut out, my knee peeked out between the sheets, and when i put it back, my knee folded back under the covers. .0813 Dreamt of attaching plates of metal to me prior to resurfacing; of having to assemble a suit of armor in order to move from dreaming to waking. I was in another large complex, having been driven there in a carpool. It was an old abandoned metalworking factory that had been partially converted into residences. Somebody asked me if all the pieces were working when i first got there, and i told them they weren't, there were quite a few people, putting things on walls, repairing old works, fixing up the place. --- 2019.06.06.0649 Dreamt i was at an American technical studio. I carpooled with somebody and they immediately went off-road onto a dirt highway that cut through a field of flowers that led to an obsticle course that they kept getting stuck on the same part.[1] [1] If you were to have tried to render my selected path without necrotizing the chest, the Habit gown would not have fit. Later, watched Smokey the Bear toss his own hat at another version of himsefl and cut off his own head, adding it to a pike of mascot heads, which was full to the brim. Looked around a schoolyard. Somebody offered me powdered cookie dough from a box. I ate a clump and said that it tasted good and they told me it was Avengers-brand cookie dough and i remarked that's probably why it tasted good.[2] Across the rest of the schoolyard, dead-eyed teenagers were standing limply in rows, or rocking back and forth on stifled swing sets, all staring at their cell phones. [2] Because Big Business prioritizes sensory extremes over healthy nutrition. Also dreamt of a Simpsons-style high school football manager complaining to two of his subordinates. He was wearing a bathrobe that was clearly showing a large erection and jewel rings. He was asking his subordinates why his erection was only a foot long and not as long as he could reach. Then a punk wooman came with a baby daughter in a carrier, and started chewing him out. He pulled a gun on the baby, which i saw in first-person perspective, and it looked like he was holding a metallic, hairy, half-erect penis. Then i was watching the spectacle in third-person again and saw the baby give him the middle finger. --- 2019.06.07.2316 Having cast a model of Zeal in resin and placed it in a container to dry, went to bed to Maridia and Water Caves; awoke at 2300 from sleep paralysis; Dreamt of fae creatures, chiding me. Of one of them holding up a black steel razor boomerang and commenting, "Look at this. It's almost all razor." I held it, and felt as if i could throw it, and that it would stick inside whomever i threw it at. Other interactions as well, on the tip of my mind; things i remembered while breaking down the barrier between worlds, but not after. I do not feel like i have fully surfaced. Breaking through has been getting increasingly difficult. --- 2019.06.09.0708 [1] wow if there aren't way too many people watching this screen Dreamt i was at a conference, similar to Anime North, but with more professionals. Almost immediately upon arriving, i was attacked by a zombie. I managed to fight them off, and was pleased, because it meant i got to fight things. For the rest of the conference, whenever another zombie showed up, i was the first person to attack it, sometimes in front of crowds of people. I could only attack them once they went aggro, which sometimes resulted in me approaching them and waiting and waiting and then striking. Damage to the hotel occurred over the course of the weekend, first a little, and later very much. Holes in walls, crumbling ceilings, and patchwork fixes using broom handles and plastic bottles[2]. The hotel was in shambles by the time everybody was leaving at the end. [2] An event involving a Broomstick and a Psi-bin occurred during the YeTrin Sali . Maybe if i stand in front of this tent with blood on my face people will realize this isn't a game . During the proceedings, i also met a woman similar to Sigyn, and was telling her about the perfect names[3]. She seemed like she already knew them, and was entertaining me by listening, and was genuinely half- interested. I told her that Sah fa meant Push light, soft push light, and that Kraa-si- my dream self had difficulty finding the words for It When It's Cool. I was most excited to tell her about Ha Se, but that's when somebody came in and took her attention. [3] SaFa, Kra-si, HaSe, Tarkova. --- 2019.06.11.0750 Dreamt of wretched weaponry, things too powerful to exist, that caused such depletion that time travelers had to scour time sideways to find people capable of harnessing it; of landlords operating capsule hostels, black iron coffins like the kind Lute made in the Holy Mountain; of humans stitched together sometimes into walls of flesh and gore, sometimes into ragdolls of patchwork parts. A dark world, and a dark version of the Toronto Reference Library, where i still found playful people and earth-chan, despite the militarization. These dreams were buried deep; i barely remembered them, and had to stitch them back together in the gloaming between worlds to remember anything at all. There were people with supremacy, and they had that supremacy because they had mined time for all the refined orange crystals and pilots and amit fuel that there was. New batches would crop up here and there, and the moment they did, multiple extratemporal agencies would dispatch what little they had left to acquire anything that would give them an upper hand. Isis was involved, and Ia, and Adam Nobody; they all had teams, all of them strung out and viciously desperate. Earth-chan's team at the library was fun to be around, and i liked the ragamuffins. There was a penthouse, open to the air, on top of a building, and a mafia that lived there; there was a bar there, where people congregated. --- 2019.07.03.0856 Full report written on Dreaming Lv. 1*[4]; Scientologists sold this one a sweater, then tried to get it to join their cult; instead, it severely beat a human into the reception desk. That turned out to be a trap, and multiple scenes were spent evading police. Went to a rave, in a cosmetics store, but the rave was lame; Kat*[Mahon] was there w/ people. Left and found that it was raining hard, sky grey, mist everywhere. Took a detour behind the Eaton centre*[5] and wound up in a place i had never been before. Ran and ran, only because i was full of energy and could. Climbed a hill that crested 45* angle, had to move off the pavement and grip the grass for traction. There were entire other scenes after that, that i remembered in the gloaming five minutes ago, and which i don't remember now; those are the scenes that i dreamt of recording in my dreaming's dream journal. I wrote a detailed, full-page entry, and one that did not contain the details written above, that concerned entirely different dreams. Last night, upgraded my bioreactor w/ wildflora DNA, red wine, and blood, and a 6V lantern battery. My dreams overnight were exceptionally realistic, and deep, and detailed. *[4] Good luck, fuckers. *[5] i.e. the YeTrin Sali. --- 2019.07.07.0730 Real talks with El/Rei and Rael. Found Rei's apartment in the dreaming. Showed her music my dreaming body had made, spoke about the interconnectivity between space tribes, correctly described the workings of a Baghdad Battery. Prior to waking, Rael tried to use an acid bath to get me to forget about talking about the space tribes and that people were talking about them and their legacy and behavior. Visual memories of describing a time ship. I awoke when, in the middle of describing the battery, my body started speaking aloud: "...and the acid dissolves the metal, which generates an electric charge that can last for a pretty long time, because the dissolving of the metal is minimal. 2019.07.06.1648 Massive timeline readjustment. --- [brb, forgot to take my meds today] [the next week,] --- 2019.07.07.0830 Spent hours this morning tossing and turning. Dreamt that i was hinging out with a bunch of roguelikes. Mostly mundane dreams; hanging out in bed, talking. Feels like that was a cover, though, and while i remember in much more detail prior to waking, the long and uncomfortable surfacing weathered away much of the details. As a point of interest, last night i queued up eight hours' worth of music, so that Sound of the End would play upon waking, and woke up ~15 minutes before it started. --- And we're back to the Index.