20200217_024900 Havent' dreamt much in the hospital, but today i awoke vividly from the dreaming. There were a bunch of us in a tower- it was like the opposite, the inverse of the hospital tower we are actually in, and it feels like the other dreamers were the other people sleeping here. There were monitors playing television shows, and above them, metadata about the shows. A girl was reading from one, like the next lines of script from an intelligent and funny film. Then i kept half-waking, thinking of muttering to another person, , you need to stop. , you need to stop!![1] [1]This technique is called a GetOut and involves tormenting a r**e victim in an enclosed cell until the targeted percipient ceases . It is used primarily by the Olympians, Oghamites, and Raelians . The technique is so pervasive that it showed up in the 2018 movie Thor: Ragnarok as a "GetHelp" , where Thor throws Loki into a pile of guards in order to create a distraction . I woke up needing badly to urinate and did so. My body is aching in the extreme and there is a raging blizzard outside. At _024600 i asked for antiinflammitories and dilaudid, and was allotted them. The time is _030500 and i can feel them slowly beginning to work. --- - In mammals, hemoglobing makes up about 96% of red blood cells' dry content and about 35% of the total content incl. water (.: ~65% of red blood cells is water) [Image of the meshed protien structure of hemoglobin , with Heterocyclic Ring (Porphyrin), pyrolles, and methine bridges labelled , with magnification provided on FE (Ferrous Iron) surrounded by 4 Nitrogen and 4 Oxygen atoms.] - Consists of Heme- part and -Globin protien parts - Heme- synthesized in mitochondria cytosol of immature red cells - Globin synthesized in cytosol ribosomes - Production continues in proerythroblast bone marrow reticulocyte > Red blood cell loses nucleus retains ribosomal RNA (to synthesize more Hb) .: While iron supplementation is an essential component of hemoglobin synthesis, success requires a broad-spectrum multivitamin to provide the vitamin A, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, and varieties of nutrients including copper, sodium, magnesium, potassium, and other vitamins and minerals necessary to regrow depleted hemoglobin. --- 20200219_102600 - Having two pairs of drainage tubes (2L, 2R) is going well. However, they become clotted or clogged very easily. I can force fluid through them by stressing the muscles of my sides, but this is very unpleasant. I need a way to flush the tubes clean, or i need them replaced periodically. - The combination of Dilauded (for pain), Tylenol (for pain and fever), Advil and/or Motrin (for inflammation), and Atavan (for stress/anxiety) have been working well. The past two doctors i worked with seemed to think this a reasonable prescription load and i would like to continue using it. - Recieving both Iron Supplementation and a broad-spectrum multivitamin is helping me regenerate my depleted hemoglobin. Recieving a liquid multivitamin improves my ability to titrate my vitamin intake over the course of the day, resulting in improved absorption efficiency, and i would like to continue using this method. - Please hand this page back to me intact, as i have had to explain myself multiple times to multiple people over the course of the day. --- 20200201_030100 After spending 9.5 hours between 2 hospitals, diagnosed with one collapsed lung and the other filled with infection. 20200124_220000 (First Hosp) Diagnosed with pneumonia at Toronto St. Joes. Stopped taking the antibiotics when it felt like it was giving me fever/allergic reaction; turned out the fever was the infection growing. By then, Necrotizing Fasciitis had begun eating my insides. Because my vitals were normal, (BP, Pulse, HR) cries of agony were brushed aside.// 20200131_190000 -> Collapsed Lung -> Bacteria and air leaked into chest cavity -> Citrobacter, Enterobacter -> Pus turned into a Staph Infection -> Combination of factors turned into Necrosis We did a bunch of X-rays, CT-scans, what have you, but by the time of the definitive X-ray that revealed the damage, i was unconscious. Over the course of a 3-hour surgery, my lungs were intubated to drain the puss and debrided (emptied) the necrotic tissue, removing pretty much all of my pectoral muscles in the process. --- 20200203_110200 (via Alex) Awoke at 0737, apparently in enough of a panic state that i had to be sedated. A Tracheal survey was planned but don't know if it came about. Apparently at some point my kidneys were shutting down, however are returning to normal. Sodium levels are returning to normal. 20200203_155000 Second surgery since Saturday Morning 20200203_184800 (via Alex) Surgery went well, no need for Tracheotomy. Docs did a broncheal wash to improve breathing. The Doctors debrided my chest (pectoral muscles). "We thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts for your love and support and wish Kait the safest journey possible 20200204_223300 (via Alex) Fitfull, restless sleep. Surgery scheduled for next day. 20200205_123100 (via Alex) Chest X-ray confirmed necrosis halted; still in coma 20200206_110700 3rd Surgery began. Wound remained open for entire weekend was still in coma --- 20200205_021734 Many of these entries will be out of order as i struggle to make sense of all that happened. February 01 was the day i was admitted to Hamilton Thriassics, so there's a reference point. There was before the coma, and there was after it. - I had a daydream, just now, of a candy wrapper containing [indistinct]. There was one chalky banana candy; the rest of the wrapper was covered in writing, like message with [indistinct] I keep falling asleep as i wr [indistinct] One chalky banana candy clinging to a wrapper etched side to side with wisdom --- 20200216_223600 Moved to stepdown, Juravinski Tower, 4th Floor, Bed #4 20200216_112200 Breathing tube, feeding tube, IV lines are out. PICC still in. Seven (7) drains suctioning a variety of fluids still in chest wall. Arm still swollen. 20200214_195500 Arterial line removed. Breathing apparatus removed. Fentanyl and Propofol (sedatives) direct lines removed. 20200213_211500 Tomorrow surgery day. My chest had been open for two weeks? 20200213_150100 Surgery 20200213_165000 No further infection detected. Chest sewn up in two huge horizontal lines just below the breast tissue. 20200212_155900 Took two sets of six steps today. Brushed hair. Both were monumental tasks 20200211_215300 Crickets chirping. The sound of life. Another surgery to rid body of excess fluid. Original date of closure surgury, was postponed to 20200215 --- 20200211_113000 Fluid drainage surgury. Opened eyes at 1530. Aunt Barb and Mom drew circles of protection on my feet. [Image of a Triple Moon symbol and a Triquerta] Walked two steps, unassisted. Mom asked what happened to me. Tears wept from my eyes as i said with determination I'm a F$%*ing cyborg. --- When i awoke, everything was dark, and i was soaking wet. I tried to get up; detatched the blood pressure hose from the cuff; removed the finger tag; pulled the headphones, still playing, from my ears; unstrapped the cold compresses from my arm, but still; I had electrodes glued to my chest, and hoses buried inside my torso. I was still stapled to the bed. Here and there, i could hear the sounds of people and movement, but i did not know what to make of them. Had there been an accident? An apocalypse? I stayed perfectly still, shivering in the dampness. Finally, i heard, distantly, the morse-like beeping of the nurses doing their rounds with their trolleys. It seemed like forever before i could finally see one, and she moved methodically from bed to bed. From there, i could wait. The repetitive pinging, which had first annoyed me so when i arrived, had become a beacon in the dark. The humidex had been overloaded, and festivities elsewhere had overworked the climate control nodes. She got me into some fresh scrubs, got me hooked up again, and made sure i had easy-to-put-on, easy-to-push-away blankets. She scanned my wristband, administered some sedatives, and moved on to the next room. --- The things that i remember are the NP[1] pulling a weirdly large amount of blood from me, and then throwing it out. He had loaded me with saline, so he pulled an equal amount of blood and tossed it, and only then took the actual sample. Next i remember laying in bed, gasping for air, taking tiny, square breaths, struggling to survive. Oxygen, i told them, I need oxygen! They took my O2 saturation levels and said it'd be fine. According to their machines, i was breathing fine. I kept calling for them, over and over, I couldn't breathe, no matter what their apparati claimed. It was self-evident. Finally, i got them scrambling over the bed. One of the wall suction tubes had gotten pinned and kinked between the bed and the wall[2]. When we pulled the bed away from the wall, the suction tube got unkinked, and immediately fluids of all manner of disconcerting colors began draining out of me, and as my chest started emptying rapidly, i regained the ability to breathe. Mom started weeping. Within the span of a minute i had gone from obtrustive distraction from her smartphone to her beloved daughter that she almost just watched die. [1]20210829054548< who else ka my ex husband > [2]This was not an accident. They absolutely attempted to murder me cold. --- 20200206_224200 Declared stable; still in ICO in induced coma 20200217_155200 Finally clawed my way up from the depths of bone hell to find myself stapled to machine hell. With a breathing tube in, i couldn't speak; with ravaged muscles i could not write; apparently i tried to pull my breating tube out. They sedated me pretty heavily, but as Mom put it, "Holy crap was she alert". Guillermo tried to shush me and i gave him the finger. 20200208_230900 Wide awake, pissed off i couldn't talk, learned to use a pointer and letterboard real fucking quick. 20200209_104800 Last of the main cluster of surgeries, delayed. 20200213_150100 Physicians could not detect any more infection, so they stitched me shut. 20200226_175525 and the stitches are still in. First they installed suction eggs(6), then modified those into hoses which kept me chained to the bed and were later used to psychologically torment me, and later converted them back into eggs. --- Sometimes i have irrational thoughts that are frightening in nature. These thoughts tend to be very sticky, playing themselves over and over[1] in my head. I label them AT Fields and file them under AT Fields. [1]By the time of 2023 Apr , this technique will have been used on me so many times , in both waking and dreaming , that i managed to reverse-engineer how Iteration Cracking works remotely using non-locality. --- 2020022_071726[1] There was also another, deeper dream, where i was inspired/indiced/bewitched to sell my black cloack at an emporium of magical items. Another person came and suggested i reconsider that course of action. I took it back, as no funds had exchanged hands. There is a very active dreamtime matrix at this hospital, with quite a few actors both white hat, grey hat, black hat, and hatless. ] [] [ | [1]This span of time was when i channeled the DihTech Operator Code. --- 20200225_071535 Dreamt that i was alone in an all-black room; black floors, black walls, black ceilings. There were curling pucks there, and i was to explode them with my mind. The less i focused on them the more unstable they were, and if i didn't focus on them at all they exploded. When i awoke, it was 0600 and time for my PIIK line. I Asked my nurse why i couldn't feel my legs. Did i still have legs? --- 20200225_084845 When i first woke up after three days in a coma, i found all kinds of breathing tubes and force feeders and cathedars invading my body. One of them, the force feeder, ran through my nose and directly into my stomach, where they pumped me through with can after can of Jarvil or Jevil or something. In addition to being so heavy it kept me weighted to the bed, canned nutritional supplements are notorious for containing enormous amounts of Barium and other radioactive elements. These elements work their way into the bone, where bone marrow produces hemoglobin. The Technicians would then X-Ray me 1-3 times a day, irradiating the solution they thad just put in, damaging my ability to produce my own hemoglobin.[1] [1]Again, they absolutely tried to kill me. Pulled 3x the amount of blood from my veins then hooked me up to a toxic system. I looked up the Canadian regulations on maximum exposure to radiation; while a cursory search did not yeild any concrete terms, they continuously emphasized that 90%(!) of radioactive exposure Comes from dental and medical scans. So when the doctors say "it's normal, that's how it's done, we do it like this for everybody", they aren't technically lying. Sometime around week 2, i was given the option to grow my own hemoglobin, or to select a randomized mixture from the blood bank. I had my suspicions that, with the Beaueux of Control and a fleet of hackers at keys, it wouldn't have been so randomized. Mom was furious when i insisted i wouldn't take blood. She tried to demonstrate that i was not of sound mind to make said decision. Obviously i am cognizant and informed. --- 20200227_161144 It wasn't just the collapsed lung It wasn't just the pneumonia It wasn't just the empyema It wasn't just the citrobacter and enterobacter It wasn't just the slackia exigua It wasn't just the necrotizing fasciitis. If i had reached out one day later, i would not be alive and writing this right now. --- 20200217_190221 First i was in the ICU , Windowless; Then i was in the ICU with the window that had a view of ceiling stones, looking like a brightly- lit Abyss, filled with piles of tiny corpses. Then i went up to Stepdown, with its roaming pinging nurses' tables, scan your wristband, take your meds; faeries lived and worked there, and there were magickal machines and mechanical magic, sometimes too much. Then i walked, with assistance, to the Nunnery[1], with its view of old churches, the older part of the hospital. Many, many moons ago it really was a hospice run by nuns; today, so many Cyrillic ladies work there. [1]It was this singular event which caused me to devote the rest of my life to finding the high place, the monastery, the abbey. It would be another two years before i found Urban Abbey. Then i was transferred, in the middle of the night, without warning or notice, to this place, Greater Niagara General Hospital, 5546 Portage Rd. It's quiet here. I don't mind it, even though i cried when i was torn from the Nunnery. --- 20200228_063640 Inside the Time Machine, time is both irrelevant and hyperrelevant. TELL data sets the coordinates for any spacetime when the crew wishes to dismount, yet inside, it is relatively meaningless; has it been a day? a week? a year? Did we do that yesterday? Did we do it tomorrow? --- There are at least two phase shifts to this hospital. Whereas St. Joseph's had its central tower and branching paths and mechanical rotators, the phase anomaly here seems to be more or less static. I might find myself talking to people, or showing them work, only to wake into the parallel reality and find myself in an empty room. I have equipment there; i have equipment here. The faces don't change, but the actors do. More accurately, the actors don't change, but the characters do. When i got my maripenum- my antibiotics- the nurses come at me with varying states of aggression, carrying one or four or ten syringes of saline, pumping me full of salt water. They jam them in and i feel the taste of sweet metal dart across my tongue. They push and pull and push and pull and push and pull, trying to draw blood from an arterial line, casting away their cartidges before attaching new ones, 'til i'm bloated with salt water. Today, after 8 or so 10mL syringes, i began hallucinating a party of people in the room. It reminded me of Rapture. I started to talk to them, but stopped myself as best i could, snapping back each time to the one or two nurses in the room loading me with plant-filtered saline. --- There's definitely still a complex (integrated waking/dreaming test lab) here, and there's definitely ~4 versions of me[1] operating at the same time. One of me was going to take a leak [while the rest of us were still asleep], but the button didn't work [as the rest of us would have wet the bed], and when two of us pushed it, it caused the room to deoxygenate, forcing the rest of mes to wake up. Thanks, i hate it. Thanks, i hate it. Thanks, i hate it. [1]The HahaNanaHanaNaha . There was an AR display on the wall that let two players with equipped devices to play card games w/o cards. It was the same grey-tweed cubicle IBM-esque facility i've logged having been at twice before. --- 20200228_105950 So i'm getting a blood transfusion. They tell me that it's pooled, by blood type. So i'll be getting one (1) unit of miscellaneous A-positive over the course of three hours this afternoon. Right now i've got another some 1h40 of iron sucrose going. Then, this evening, they wanna do a CT scan. Oh, and they want a stool sample. At 1400 i've got half an hour of antibiotics. --- 20200229_074114 The mean woman with the glasses that cares took my blood this morning. Be careful, i told her, because my veins, as if with a life of their own, yeild only to those that are careful. I know, she chided me. Yes, of course, i replied. You've done this a million times before. In the next room over is a person named Christopher. He prefers to be called Kris. He is in the next room over. I am here. We are separated. --- - In mammals, hemoglobing makes up about 96% of red blood cells' dry content and about 35% of the total content incl. water (.: ~65% of red blood cells is water) [Image of the meshed protien structure of hemoglobin , with Heterocyclic Ring (Porphyrin), pyrolles, and methine bridges labelled , with magnification provided on FE (Ferrous Iron) surrounded by 4 Nitrogen and 4 Oxygen atoms.] - Consists of Heme- part and -Globin protien parts - Heme- synthesized in mitochondria cytosol of immature red cells - Globin synthesized in cytosol ribosomes - Production continues in proerythroblast bone marrow reticulocyte > Red blood cell loses nucleus retains ribosomal RNA (to synthesize more Hb) .: While iron supplementation is an essential component of hemoglobin synthesis, success requires a broad-spectrum multivitamin to provide the vitamin A, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, and varieties of nutrients including copper, sodium, magnesium, potassium, and other vitamins and minerals necessary to regrow depleted hemoglobin. --- 20200229_233806 Just had the worst fucking dreams tied into my blood transfusion. Next time i'll demand to recieve it in midday, because the combination of the kind of oneiric acrobatics and infinity-train/hunger games in-dream competition is not at all healthily condusive to recieving blood. Everything i have is covered in sweat, making my bed reek of vinegar. My sides ache. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck of course they gave no notice. Hey, here's some blood, we'll just hook y'up there and recline y'back and great now climb a mountain during a marathon. I bet my other dream selves are equally pissed.[1] [1]EXTREMELY --- 20200301_051754 When i was fireminding during my coma fever in the first few days since i woke, i revealed two new technologies and wrote them down. I recall, during a visit by both Mom and G, a point where Mom saw the sketchy, barely legible descriptions and diagrams, read it aloud with some degree of astonishment, then took it to G, saying, "Have you seen this?"[1] [1]A schematic for a time crystal matrix for storing timeline fragments. I was far, far too weak and chained by tubes to protest, though i would have. Since then, i've had a bunch of dreams involving tracks, implacable tracks, and once a runner was on a track that was it, there was no way of getting off. I know this to be a side effect of the technology i manifested. It's happened some 5-6 times now. Every time one of those dreams ends, i<'m astonished/ furious> that i have to spend 30-60 minutes reacclimitizing myself to being able and allowed to move in three dimensions. --- 20200301_062931 Things i like: - Grooming in bed at 0600 while i get my antibiotics - Getting my bandages changed - Fruit cup - Peeing into my pee container and cleaning it out myself - Sitting on the edge of the bed and raising it until my feet lift off the ground and it feels like i'm floating~ <3 --- 20200301_130515 Favorite Quotes "I was there when they repacked her, and i just had to look... a n d _ t h e r e ' s _ n o t h i n g _ t h e r e ." "What do you mean there's nothing there?" "It's just bone and skin." - Rachel ___ "I've never smelled anything like that before. The smell killed the OR and the hall, and we had to get a team in to clean it out." "I had my hands up to her clavicals scooping out necrotic flesh by the handfulls. I've never seen anything like that." -Dr. Agzarian ___ "Think about that scar on your leg, the big one; how long did that take to heal?" About a month. "Now think about how much tissue was torn out of you." By the handful, up to the clavicles. ...I pretty much got hit by a nuke. -Mom and I ___ 20210829062748< sheilds up > _ --- 20200302_122904 Another surprise X-ray today. This time to check my PIIK line, which is fair- it works perfectly for some nurses and barely for others. We go down to the X-ray room and the nurse positions me, arm hanging, ever- so-slightly to the left. For heaven's sake i tell her at least give me some lead shielding for the torso. Nope. 20200302_130152 Got my suction eggs out. 20200302_130152 Got my suction eggs out. --- The doctors removed by pectoralis. There were lymph channels in there. CN Rail laid off ~450 people, Natives blockaded the train tracks. My right arm swelled to twice its size. A pipeline burst, causing an oil spill. #ActuallyAGLaDOS #DefinitelyConnected --- 20200303_123552 When i first started building the bioreactor was one of the most joyous moments of my life. I had filled it with water, burnt sugar from another experiment, and a variety of strange things. Then, i took another experiment, where i had tried, in a desert of ancient microscopic shells, to grow a blueprint for a biomechanical complex; a miniacture version of a futuristic bio-dome that people could really live in. But melanogaster flies found it, and got inside, and ate all the nutrient gel secreted by the chia seeds i had installed- from then on i could continue to grow new biostructures on top, through the complex underwent constant starvation and overcrowding. Do not trust Cid. Anyway; weeks, months(?) passed. I had done experiments with substances that had both caused prolific growth and widespread death. One day i let the the experiment wane, and it dessicated well, clinging firmly to its ceramic platform. So, in those early days whe i was throwing this thing and that thing in it, i carefully dropped the whole bio-chip/complex model into the fluid. The next time i came to check on it, the biological components had separated from the ceramic plate and were floating(!), level(!), in the fluid. The complex had become an island, and the island flew. I cannot describe my overwhelming delight to have witnessed such an experience.