There's definitely still a complex (integrated wakin/ dreaming test lab) here, and there's definitely ~4 versions of me operating at the same time. One of me was going to take a leak, but the button didn't work, and when two of us pushed it, it caused the room to deoxygenate, forcing the rest of me/us to wake up. Thanks, i hate it. Thanks, i hate it Thanks, i hate it There was an AR display on the wall that let two players with equipped devices to play card games without cards. It was the same grey-tweed cubicle IBM-esque facility i've logged into twice before. --- still people following me around and mimicing the things i say and look at . They've got the latency down to 0s at this point . Yet all they can do is distract and annoy . --- 20200308_041448 Well i was dreaming deeply, until all of a sudden i simply had to take a leak at maximum priority. I wonder if it was one of my other selves that pulled the emergency alarm, or if another person did it. I get the sense that i had two alters doing things, because the thought entered my head that i would have to urinate twice I feel like i was back at the end of time; the place that had the hyperbolic time chamber, and then locks on the doors specifically designed to accommodate units with four or more bodies, a place that seemed like if the blue-green rapture had merged with the grey-tan tweed of the IBM lab. No wonder all the books and pencilcases i've been given since i arrived and started journaling have been seafoam and adobe.[1] [1]The colors of the Shelter House dorms. I was talking to people, making arrangements, closing deals, dealing with things when somebody- either one of myself or somebody else- blew the hatch and brought me up. According to Nurse Andrea, i sleep with my eyes open. --- Dreamt that i was alone in an all-black room; black floors, black walls, black ceiling. There were curling pucks there, and i was to explode them with my mind. The less i focused on them the more unstable they were, and if i didn't focus on them at all they exploded. When i awoke, it was 0600 and time for my PICC line. I asked my nurse why i couldn't feel my legs. Did i still have legs? --- I dreamt that Athena developed Soul Grenades. I dreamt that i had witnessed iteration after iteration of these devices, and i woke to the percussion of them going off. I was left, then, with an unerring sense that it would be best to follow guidelines and stay alert. They don't exist in this timeline, but they sure as hell exist elsewhere, and they are powerful enough to shake the walls of phase and time. --- 20200309_055415 20200309 Just opened my mouth wide and ate a Lakitu thay was also a lemon square. Because why not, Straight up eat and dice here Phasing in and out of consciousness. There's always dream sprites there, talking to me, offering me tools, offering me food, which sometimes i take and sometimes i don't take. Either way, the beam of wakefulness annihilates whatever i'm dreaming of at the time. Straight up hallucinating at this point. The only way i cant ell someone real is by grabbing them when my eyes flutter open again or not. It is 064725, the lights are still out, there's nurses active running, tapping their shoes, i'm still half-asleep, Laying down now. Wish me luck --- 20200308_150848 Tomorrow there's a callout for all Mexican women to go on strike simultaneously. --- 20200309_062934 Can you get the light please? I say to the tan-skin nurse that just took my blood while on a phone call. Gracias, i say, as she turns it back off. 'No problem', she replies in English. --- 20200309_083051 Well, it's finally 0309. Everyone on the ward had trouble not pissing themselves in the middle of the night (incl. me- i totally had to change underwear) and despite being given 1mg of hydromorphone at 0600 today i woke up in pain, my body stiff as wood. I can feel, psychically, that some sort of geometric plane has been impacted, though i couldn't tell you where or when. And then there were the dreams. I'm not going to talk about them, just to state that whatever i wrote last night, there was that, and much more. I don't know if the [redacted] has gone off yet. I don't know if any sort of temporal invariability matrix makes a difference as to whether it's gone off yet or not. _085121 Everybody's going about their business. I eat my Chex breakfast, the cleaning lady mops the floors, the nursing station mills in order; yet a strange silence hangs over. --- 20200309_204426 Today there was an enormous stock market crash- one of, if not the largest stock market crash- since 2008(!) "The S&P 500 index lost 7.6% to close at 2,746.50- its worst day since December 2008(!)- after diving 7% in the opening minutes(!) of the trading session, triggering a New York Stock Exchange "circuit breaker"(!) that had halted(!) trading for 15 minutes. Monday marked the first time(!) the trading curb took effect since the current threshholds were implemented in 2013 to avoid a repeat of 1987's "Black Monday" crash. ! --- 20200310_215646 Honey pointed it out to me today: What's with all the people buying massive amounts of toilet paper? In Costcos and grocery stores and all manner of places, people are emptying the shelves of a) Bottled Water, which makes sense in a pandemic, and, b) Absurd amounts of toilet paper. Some people are filling their garages with it; a course of action which makes no sense when it makes much more sense to fill it with stuff, like, yknow, canned goods. But the Coronavirus is an Engineered Pandemic, and the hype around twenty-someodd deaths is way out of proportion. The controlling of the minds of the masses to mass purchase guaze-like paper is an elite signal- they're making mummies. Storing genomes. Preparing for a future far after this one. Those that take the Lock Step path wind up with hosts that are perpetually controlled by their controllers, yet are individually incapable of addressing who those controllers are, or what the agendas are. I see the frustration in Honey's or Lilliana's eyes sometimes: I have no power, but i'm actually capable of talking about things they literally cannot. --- 20200312_091357 Ever since 20200309, things have felt different in the dreamtime. More fragmented, less cohesive. --- 20200312_174409 E3 was cancelled. The NBA was cancelled. The Junos were cancelled. A conference on dealing with coronavirus was cancelled because of coronavirus. The stock market has plunged. The entire planet's infrastructure is falling apart. --- 20200312_203611 Tried actually sleeping on my side today, for the first time in... weeks. Months, Technically. Wound up dreaming that i was laying, bed and blankets, on the ground with my feet on a sewer grate. This was somewhat distressing, as i couldn't move (being a dream) and i had no thought to wake up (being sufficiently realistic), until i noticed that there was something living down there. Hello? I called out. Is there somebody there? That's when i felt two tiny teeth bite my foot. It wasn't extremely painful, but it was extremely alarming, and i could neither move nor wake, for some 10-30 seconds. This led to an amusing interaction with nurse Matte when, after waking and sleeping and time passing and being woken for vitals, when he asked if there was anything else i needed. i answered, You got weird poisonous things living in your dream sewers. 'What??' he asked, completely perplexed; You got weird poisonous things living in the dream sewers. Of the building. --- 20200313_052150 The Lady That Moans still oans, and it sounds like she's trapped between orgasm and agony, ohh, ohh, ohh, ah, ah, ah, half of her crooning sounds and half of it sounds like pinned-to-the-bed unbearable constant pain. She's been like this for days. uh-huh.! uh-huh.! ah.! ohwww! ah.! uh-huh! She's probably more sedated than i am. I like listening to her. --- 20200313_160515 I dreamt of an entire city district underneath a towering glass dome. It was large nough to tower over condos, churches, and convention center. The sky was baby blue. I was given a notebook in sacramento green and adobe tan. Then there was a prophecy. Then there was an explosion. I had been admitted into an IBM-Simic dream lab. After the explosion, the stock market crashed, and the lab was gone. I was given five more notebooks; four by my mother, and one by Ra. I told my mother i had no taste for the textured pale red notebook given to me by Ra, and she took it. Of the four remaining, there is one given to me at the same time, identical to this one; and three that came in a pack: One cerulean blue, one baby blue, and one sacramento green. I like the cerulean one best. It is the one i want to start the next chapter of my life in. This was not the institutionally correct choice. --- 20200313_022900 Very distand dreams, of yet another complex. When i reached for the memories, they instanly evaded me. Stil, i feel that it is essential to write. I'm here. I dreamt of a battlegrounding the FF6 World World of Ruin as a template. Three giant machines Yes, shii. Rey. I dreamt of more of the practiced, what do yo call it- the pagaent. A figure representing my mother was trying to get me to go on stage with a handful of others to perform a performance piece. They were from the future, and if i acquiesced they would have more water, but further in the future, they would have more caustic chemicals. At any rate, i refused; i don't do coordinated routines for pagaents on stage. I just don't. I took a walk by myself- The pressure just changed. I can hear more clearly and my head feels clearer. -and explored the pharmacy, the entry docks, and when i took and elevator to the first floor, it was a hotel hallway. Was it the same hotel i checked into nights ago? --- 20200313_224910 When i woke, it was to the sound of wild, extreme screaming, echoing down halls, in long, seeking screams punctuated by absolutely mad wails of pain. I dreamt of a place that was neither the sacremento- adobe lab nor the placid inside of the dome; in a break from the usual procession of things, i actually maaged to fall asleep before 2000, and slept deeply at that. I was at some sort of pagent- the extreme conflict was laid bare when one participant entered with thousands of military soldiers, waiting to war with maximum hostility, while the other participants entered with beauty and jewels.[1] There were beds, and beds, on all the floors of the building; i felt out of place at all times, wondering why i would have been in such a situation. [1]The Battle for BaKhMuT, three years before it occurred. The person with all the soldiers came out as a girl; the corps of hostiles they kept with them seemed as likely to victimize her as i. Later, i found a photograph, and it was of my brother Alex, wearing a Santa Claus outfit with family. The leader- of the out-of-place contingent was softer and more rosy- cheeked than i. It didn't seem that i would win; someone spoke of Ragnarok. It didn't seem i'd survive Hunger Games either.