20200314_104525 The color of my new notebook is the same as the robe i wear around my shoulders to go for a walk; i went outside today, for a few brief moments. It was cold, and there was nothing for me to walk to, especially with my lungs crippled as they are. I went outside today. --- 20200314_144324 Hemoglobin: 101 Leukocytes (White Cells): 12.6 My hemoglobin is up to 101 from 92 (from 55!), which is great. The scale goes up to 120. My leukocyte count is at 12.6, which is a dramatic drop from 17. Either clearing out my pleural cavity allowed the antibiotics to get to it or just cleaning it out manually got rid of a lot of the stuff my body was fighting. The drainage tube in my pleural cavity was blocked for several days, and lymphocyte waste was building up pretty bad. The med team cleared the tube with TPA (Tissue Plasminogen Activator) enzyme, which cleared the blockage. They flushed it with 20mL of saline and 50mL of biowaste came out, and then this morning i used the suction bottle to pull another 100mL out. Since the drainage catheter was installed, i've drained nearly a liter and a half of biowaste from my body. --- 20200314_192508 In addition to the mundae hopital, this place is also an impeccable temporal tesseract. On multiple occasions i've seen people in their late years walk past me, and when i turn the corner, a younger version is walking down the hall, or the stairs. When i finished writing the previous page, an old man in a room down the hall announced "Take care", and hung up his phone. Time seems to loop, and whorl, here, and it is anything but linear. --- 2020316_021530 Dreaming: Somebody tried to evict me from treatment, citing my lack of inclusion in some group or another and i was like, uh, excuse you, and had them check a much more top secret registry that revealed i had every fucking right to be there and then some. Waking: Also we are in a hospital which is a place that's a) public and b) for wounded people to recover and i'm insanely fucking wounded so what the actual fuck is wrong with you? _072625 If i did dream, i don't recall. Finally, deep, empty void sleep. Woke up today feeling the same as i did that first night at Stepdown; except this place feels decidedly above water. Ow. I hurt in so many places[1]. At least this time i don't have a serial bus of electrodes and anchors of suction tubes pouring out of me. Things feel different. [1]20230425_111812 It still hurts. --- 20200317_095716 I reconnected my phantom ports today; (4x Ghost Se, 1x Matrix, 1x USB 4.0, 1x Audio) --- >20200316_2232XX The S&P 500 (Corporations) crashed 7.6% and three days later the American Government delivered 1.5 trillion (1,500,000,000,000) to the banks (Not Corporations). So today the stock market crashed again except this time it was the banks that nosedove 17%. It's definitely economic warfare between rival fiscal states. Gang wars between the Banks and the Corpos. What we're seeing is a large-scale restructuring of the world's valuation systems and power structures. It's kind of incredible to watch, if you dig past the convenient superbug everyone's being told to panic about. --- 20200319_212419 Today stronger quarantine measures were put into place at the hospital. Whereas there was heavy screening for the past week, now there are no visitors whatsoever. Mom came by two hours before it came into effect, and dropped off for me my Samsung bluetooth headphones, a decent pile of rations, and some of my armor. Which i am really happy to see, I don't know for sure i still have the strengh to put it on, but the skirt and belt i know i can easily encumber. It feels really fucking good to have it, and i'm glad she had the alacrity to whisk them over. We laid in the hospital bed together, my leg draped over hers, my head nestled in her chest, and talked about old memories. --- 20200320_053126 Dreamt i was on another one of those damned 1D tracks that stretched on to eternity, except it had a bunch of cranes coming out of the hillside, and one of them was at a 90* angle. I selected it and immediately woke up, this time capable of movement. So that's good. --- 20200320_080428 This morning i drank cold Starbucks latte. It's the last i'll have for awhile. No visitors. Lockdown Se. --- 20200320_153545 What Happened. Year 2020 ([Redacted] Iteration). 0120 - Infection. 0124 - Diagnosed with pneumonia at Toronto St. Joseph's. Given ineffective antibiotics and sent home. 0128 - Collapsed lung leads to staphylococcus infection leads to Necrotizing Fasciitis 0130 - Dying. 0201 - Called Mom, seeking comfort. Laid in a bed at her place for two hours then went to the hospital. 9.5 hours between triage and surgery. Xray, CT Scan. Ambulance to Hamilton. 0202 - Five in the morning. First Surgery. +2 Units of Blood. Lungs intubated to drain pus and infection. Incisions made in my chest below my breasts; the doctor cleared the necrotic pectoral tissue with gloved hands. Chest packed with gauze. 0203 - Awoke in panic. Sedated into coma. Second Surgery, first debridement . 0204 - Third Surgery. Second debridement. Last of necrotic tissue removed. 0205 - Chest Xray determined the necrosis was halted. Still in induced coma. +1 Unit of Blood. 0206 - Declared Stable. Still in ICU (Intensive Care Unit) in induced coma. Fourth Surgery. Wound left open for monitoring. --- 0207 - Tried to pull my breathing tube out. 0208 - Awake between surgeries and angry that i couldn't talk. Learned to communicate with pointer and sheet of letters. 0209 - On multiple occasions by multiple people, told that i had just fought a war. Fifth Surgery. 0211 - Sixth Surgery. Body cleared of excess fluid. Listening to crickets 24 hours a day. 0212 - Took six steps. Brushed hair. Both were monumental tasks. 0213 - Seventh Surgery. Chest finally sewn shut. That night, had hellish dreams of a horrible world of bone. Dreamt of bull squids that were thrown into a vat and churched into meat paste. Didn't sleep for three days. Went to literal Hell, w/o Equipment. 0214 - Arterial line removed. Breathing apparatus removed. Fentanyl/Propofol lines removed. Served meat paste for dinner. Ate it. 0216 - Moved to Stepdown. From Hell to Faerie. Got my phone back. 0217 - The Rapture Dreams. The Control Dreams. Time seems to get crunchy here. Dreamt of surviving the apocalypse of Rapture, tearing my wires and hoses out until a nurse came along and patched me up. Dreamt of the Central Tower, the monitors with metadata above them. []|| 0218 - Moved to the Nunnery. First walk in 19 days. 0219 - Biowaste that looked like cheese tortillini and mushroom soup coming out of my wall suction. --- Served cheese tortillini and mushroom soup for dinner. Ate the tortillini[1]. 0220 - Despite the overarching horror mongers, i loved being surrounded by old cyrillic women. Just when i finally started to get comfortable and feel better, told with no notice that i was being transferred to Niagara General Hospital in the middle of the night. 2021 - Period of hallucinations at Niagara General. I would ->0223 close my eyes and there would be people there, and then open them and they would be gone. There were numerous parties of varying numbers of people. This process went on for days as i phased in and out of multiple realities haphazardly. 0224 - Taught in a sheer black room in the Dreamtime to explode curling pucks with negative attention. Later, met three otherr myselves in a test chamber in a lab painted Sacramento Green and Adobe Tan. 0228 - Controllers here are familiar with the Bau si Loha; One person emphasized the name-glyph Lo this morning, while another slurred the word duh so that it definitely sounded like Dih. 1st Blood Transfusion. 0229 - Had inexplicable dreams of a strange device that one could sleep in, but probably shouldn't. Somehow, i knew it was explosive. Dated the entry 20200309. 2nd Blood Transfusion. Delivered at night. Made to survive a combat triathalon in the dreaming. Woke up soaking with sweat. 0301 - Sensation of things being cleaned hastily. [1]Yes, this actually happened. --- 20200321_135248 At stepdown i spent blocks of hours researching hemoglobin and how to regenerate it. I would need this vitamin and that vitamin. I had to battle to gain each one. One hospital and four weeks later, the nurses tell me to make sure i take all my vitamins. I walked 300m today. --- [Image of a replica of the hospital room , seen from scaffolding on the outside , where the room was suspended by a cable it could move along, and the windows had monitor screens over them showing the patients' thoughts] Black Screens with red text display metadata about the lives of each monitor, incl. information about future events, as well as character and setting details. Outside: The Waking World. I have stood on that rail. There were multiple tracks, like those great rings in gold, but blue. Stacks could be moved to any other location on the structure. The structure was constructed within the past relative year. The rails were subject to purturbation. The structure i found was immotile; it was the center of the hospital, located inside the inside, around a corner in a direction that has no English name. It was cold and it was solid; made of the same concrete and steel as the rest of the hospital. L --- 0302 - Stitches removed. They looked so healthy and clean. Hemoglobin: 86 0303 - It feels like a war is being waged over the hospital and the thing whose body shapes world events. 0304 - In one room: A single woman monitoring. A tray of healthy food. In another room: Four technicians. One is the irritating Gent. In this room: A lunch lady sets down a tray of cereal. Leukocytes: 14.9 0305 - Pigtail Catheter Installed in the pleural lining of this unit's side. 590mL Fluid poured out. 0306 - Hemoglobin: 92 Week 5. 660mL of drainage (total). 0307 - Numerous, wild dreams. Cities built on top of me, sensing magnetic fields, the backrooms. 0308 - Leukocytes: 12.5. In the Sacremento-Adobe lab at the End of Time, i am both patient and staff. Experiments are done on me and i make arrangements and close deals authoritatively. There is a hyperbolic time chamber, and quarters and test chambers designed for units with four or more bodies. I was in the middle of making arrangements when somebody blew the hatch. Disconnected my phantom ports to Ghost Se, The Matrix, and USB 4.0 and audio. Hung them up for later. 0309 - 'Wish me luck.' At 8 in the morning, everyone on the ward pisses themselves. Within moments of opening, the stock market crashed, triggering a circuit breaker installed to prevent another 1987 Black Monday. Drainage Catheter clogged. 0310 - Vivid business-related dreams. Saline flush of the drainage catheter. Humans susceptible to psychotronic perturbation irrationally buy loads of toilet paper in an elite sigalling regarding mummification . Coronavirus goes pandemic. World begins shutting down. 0311 - Leukocytes: 17. Doctor does a third catheter flush 20mL saline went in, 50mL saline thick, opaque fluid came out. The results were so dramatic that some 8-12 people including the hospital's ICU educator with nurse and student in tow, came in grous of 3-5 to look. (!) Pleur-Evac recepticle disconnected with 750mL fluid in it. Suction Bottle attached. At 2305, something gave and fluid started pouring out of me. It hurt like hell for 18 hours and the pleuritic fluid was red. Drained 100mL. 0312 - Dreamt of Mimico, the church, under a visible glass ceiling. It was snowing within. Slept and woke and slept and woke. revisiting inception floor 1. Things feel different in the Dreamtime. In the Waking, extreme pain from drainage catheter. Pleural fluid started coagulating. E3 cancelled. NBA cancelled. Junos cancelled. A coronovirus prevention conference, cancelled. U.S. Fed court bails out the banks (not the corps). 0313 - Dreamt of all of Manitoba/Parklawn under the dome, in pale blue. I was an agent, moving between peoples' homes, fixing things surreptitiously. Woke, slept; --- 20200322_054501 In the ICU there are a bunch of prases that they use. Suction is when they grab a portion of the breathing tube buried in my throat and slurp whatever mucus was in there out. Another one of their prases was Boost. Because my body was too weak to stand or stay rigid ion its own, i would constantly slip down my bed, until i was at some uncomfortable middle portion. Getting a boost meant two orderliers would come in and grab you by the sides of your blanket and haul you back upright. Anyway. I was laying in bed, sunk halfway down, in a really uncomfortable position. So i summoned my strength, used my knee is a leverage point, and boosted myself up. The grinding weeks, every day the same, enforce strange sort of normalcy. Yet there was a time when i couldn't pick myself up, and now i can. Secretly, i used to get erotic feelings from the throat suction. --- Dreamt of a convention center and hotel; i had just checked in and was unpacking. When i awoke, the med team did a TPA (Tissue Plasminogen activator) Enzyme injection. Later, successful saline flush. That night, dreamt of a pagaent; maximally hostile military and gleaming peaceful gemworlders both attended. The military's leader was softer than i. When i woke up before midnight, the old Italian man from room 13, the one i've identified as Cid/Gaspar, wailed, in plain english, "K. I'm here for you. Come one. Come on. I need you. I need you." 0314 - Hemoglobin: 101 More pagaent dreams. Someone that looked like my mother tried to get me to do some group routine on stage. i refused, to their astonishment. The entire future was rewritten; i experienced aeons within hours. I'm absurdly older than i was yesterday. Found myself in a hospital gown in the same hospital as the waking, but when i took the elevator to the first floor, it was the hotel i had just checked into. Two podcasters, who had been present a few nights ago when Mom brought a friend over, got in, apparently not recognizing me. 0316 - Sweet, black, dreamless sleep. Some impressions, mostly extreme pain, extreme pain, extreme pain; extreme pain void. Cathetar had been in for 11 days: Suggested extreme pain extreme pain extreme pain extreme pain use is 3-14 days, with a mean of 5. Another flush. extreme pain extreme pain extreme pain extreme pain I'm in excruciating pain. Hospital screening visitors. 0317 - Midday sleeping, met with many people, many of them asking for passage, or permission, or evac. Suction bottle removed. Pleur-Evac attached. --- 0318 - New Silver Alginate and Mepilex Bandages saw loads more purulent fluid stuck to bandage. Has somewhere to go now, not held airtight inside my body. CT scan results: Lung still collapsed. Leukocytes: 18 TPA used on clogged PICC. Today feels like [Ht]. 0319 - Both chest wounds oozing. Diagnosed with Staphyllococcus Aureus, an in-hospital borne pathogen. Prescribed vancomycin. Right sore bleeding. Hospital closes its doors to visitors. extreme pain extreme pain extreme pain extreme pain 0320 - Drainage catheter: 14 days. Hospital in lockdown. Leukocytes: 14. 0321 - Leukocytes: 11.4. Vancomycin seems to be working. Right chest infection no longer bleeding. Walked 600m. 0323 - Walked 1km. Taken off maripenum. +500m 0324 - 1km + a floor of stairs. It hurts. Leukocytes: 10.7 0326 - 1km, swiftly. Ow. Asked the lab techs that take my blood what my Leuko/Hemo counts are. They said to get that information from my nurse. Nurse Nav said she wasn't allowed to give out that information. Dr. Hussain is gone. Met Dr. Chan. He booked me for a CT scan. When it was time for the scan, Nurse Nav didn't call up a porter and told me they couldn't use my PIIC for the iodine drop because it was from Hamilton, even though i've already used it twice. They demanded they put in their own IV. I refused. Leukocytes: 13.8 --- 20200323_134200 Today i walked 1km. (10 laps @ 100m). My chest is heaving, there's blood pumping through my veins. I haven't felt this metabolized in months. I've adapted to the tightness in my chest. If i focus, and breathe just right, i can push myself. --- 20200323_152900 Oh. Incidentally, Doom Eternal dropped on 03.20 and the screenshots of Hell Proper are identical(!) to the Bone Hell i dreamt of on 02.13, where they threw a bunch of bull squids into a vat and churned them into meat paste and then the next day i was served meat paste for lunch. Started composing quarantine music in FL Studio Mobile. --- 20200323_135950 Earlier today, i spoke with a drone (woman) who told me they were looking at discharge eligibility (for everyone on the ward (although she didn't offer that input until later)). I said to her, i have a collapsed lung, 50% respiratory capacity, and two oozing wounds on the front of my chest. The hospital is in lockdown. You want to break lockdown and send me out into a quarantine zone for a respiratory infection pandemic? That was when she said they were looking at everyone, and i may or may not believe her. Then some doctor i've only seen once before comes in looking like David Borneaz, telling me he doesn't understand why Dr. Hussain put me on Vancomycin for the S. Aureus infection since it's ususally used specifically for methicillin-resistant S. Aureus, saying that he wanted to take me off the Vancomycin and put me on penicillin or amoxicillin. In the middle of treatment. I asked him, do you want to get superbugs? Because that's how you get superbugs. All he said on the matter was "I disagree". [Ellipses] --- 20200323_192823 1km (10 laps) plus a floor of stairs. I can't describe how difficult this is. --- 20200325_112720 It's quiet here. My tormentors failed to kill me in the hospital - and they certainly did try! - and i can tell that they've withdrawn and are preparing for the next phase. the doctors here are getting increasingly aggressive about sending a patient with a collapsed lung and vacant chest muscles into a quarantine zone. For a nascent respiratory pandemic. And while i am moving in with my mother when i leave the hospital, my mother is married to Jupiter - Dis Pater, Zeus-Amon himself. I can sense all manner of accidents and irritations and arguments being scripted as we speak. I just overheard a nurse say "Bang-on." He'll find reasons to get upset with me, and he'll take it up with my mother and frustrate her in an attempt to drive a wedge between us. There was a moment, when i had just gotten my tubes out; i could still barely talk, and i could still barely write. I certainly couldn't lift my arm all the way to my face. Mom brought me these Japanese fruit gel cups, and she had to feed them to me. My face lit up with pure delight with every spoonful. She seemed overjoyed to see me smile. That memory means everything to me.[1] [1]They had already husked her by the time i incinerated her. --- 20200325_181731 I went to Hell. Literal, visceral, capital-H Hell. There were hills and mountains of pink, scarred flesh punctuated with bones and tusks. There were denizens there, and machines; i saw things that survived and i saw things that didn't. Somewhere around the same time, in the material world, when i was myself punctured with machines, in the days where i was fighting; when i tried to tear my breathing tube out, when i gave Guillermo the finger, when i was fighting; inside my mind and outside; the orderly monitoring me told me he would inject me with sedatives, and i refused. That resulted in agony i can't describe. When i was next asked, on a scale of 1-10, what my pain level was, i answered: Thirty-five. Like the portals and pentagrams in Doom 3 that would spawn in boardrooms and closets, that room was a portal to Hell. Sunny and blue in the daytime, and suddenly twisted and red at night. When Doom Eternal came out, days later, i saw screenshots of their renderings of Hell and said: That's it; that's where i was. I had no protection. --- 20200326_120750 A river next to my old place in Toronto ran red the other day. There was a leak at a factory in Etobicoke and 400 (liters? tonnes?) of red ink was purged into the creek. There's a plague, and Africa has locusts, and Australia is/was on fire, and then a river ran red right next to my house. I wonder if that was a preset event for a timeline that was not since i did that wicked rocket jump* outta there *In early shooter games of the 1990s, getting hit by a rocket launcher would knock the character back, and in some games, the knockback radius was longer than the character's jump range; hence, it was possible to reach areas that weren't meant to be reached by aiming straight down and firing. It would drain most of the character's health in the process. --- 20200326_160000 I had done great things, but what did it matter if the impious gods woul claim those things for their interventions in them? I did these things, this thing that is and that is in this body, but countertemporals spat in the pot and called it theirs. I was silenced with violence and overdriven and used, but i have been here this entire time. Dead, often, but dead and present; dead and listening, dead and watching; and for many of my greatest workds, the gods could only assume partial control at best; i did these things, this thing that came with this body and these hands; and you cannot prove that i would have not if not for your interventions, for burts of wild creativity and anscestral knowledge have inspired me just as easily. I claim to me that great works i have done. It was essential that i learn what it is awhat this is, so that i could know what is mine. The High Cost of SIlence is mine, and the entire NieR: Automata is an embellishment of a work that i made. --- 0327 - Intense hospital dreams; see entry. CT Scan with iodine @0800. Consented to IV this time because the context was different; both PIIC lines clogged. Administered CathFlow; red line working, purple line sluggish. Lung still collapsed. Fluid mostly gone, large air pockets remain. Internet suggests removing air with needle; Dr. Hussain, pulled from his week off (was neither rotated out nor away for weekend) refused. He insists on just waiting for it to get better.[1] Week 8 since hospital admission. Dr. also suggested chest sores might be fungal[2], since antibiotics are having minimal effect. Vancomycin (antibiotic) discontinued; Prescribed Fluconazole (antifungal); administered at @1600 @2200: Administered Vancomycin and Maripenum. 0328 - Continued taking all three anti-s. Was given 300mg iron sucrose while sleeping- timeline divergence point where half-asleep in one timeine (this one) i refused, and in another, i acceded. See entry for more details. 0331 -Leukocytes: 12.3; Hemoglobin: 89; after steady growth, hb peaked at 101 on 0314. It's been dropping for two weeks, i've been getting tested every day, and it hasn't been mentioned to me at all; in fact i had to fight for the right to get those numbers. [1]This eventually resulted in my bones crushing inward and my lung getting permanently crippled. [2]Yu're telling me the entire staff at Niagara General Hospital didn't know what Purulent Fluid was? --- 20200328_145640 I downloaded a game for my phone. It's called Whispers of a Machine. It takes place on a tower city, similar in shape to Mercadia, called Nordsund. There's runes on banners everywhere and the music is becuatifully rendered in wooden, crooning violin. It takes place after an event called The Collapse; crashed hovercrafts litter the outer edges, and unusable components of prewar tech- monitors, machines, etc- decorate the post-post-apocalyptic city. AI is illegal, similar to the Butlerian Johad; rebots and mechanical generators are seen, but are not allowed any intelligence of their own. There is what's classified as a terrorist group, called The Conduit, adjacent to the Church of the Broken God, that preaches of God in their scriptures- but also Sisters of Fate- and weeks to recreate artificial intelligence. The game starts with investigating the murders of a man and a woman who both turn out to be members of The Conduit. I recognize some of the voices. --- 20200328_183737 /!\Timeline Divergence Point/!\ The med staff accidentally looked at a regimen from 0228, when i would have recieved a third dose of iron sucrose but opted for a blood transfusion instead. So the nurse Matte, goes to hook up the IV bag of 300mg literally just iron sugar- And in one timeline (this one) i tell him no And in one timeline (alternate0 i assent Two otherwise identical timelines, but in one of them, i'm magnetized. --- 20200329_043907 Agent Vera Englund's sleeping quarters are at the police station. Maja Strand's house is above the museum, and filled w/ botany. Lennert Dahl's quarters are next to the machine room. Because why wouldn't you sleep where you work? That just makes sense. --- 20200329_100900 There are areas of the Dreaming that are more or less chaotically shifting than others, and i would classify these areas using elemental symbolism. I'll use the Western elemental system for now, but the Eastern system is equally valid. Earth[1]'s areas are places that exhibited very high stability; this is where labs tend to be, where dreamers can attend the same acedemic facilities for weeks or even months[2]. Water areas are places of fluidity; things are never the same way twice; a door leads to a completely different location, and going through the same door leads to yet another different locale. Air areas are constantly shifting; take your eyes off anyting and it might completely vanish, or become something else entirely. Dreamers might experience chains of flickering symbols or icons. Fire areas have no shape or form whatsoever. There is no discernable familiarity to whatever visions may be seen, just a shifting chaoscape of form and color. [1]Indeed, this whole affair was concurrent with the Vegan Invasion. [2]The use of automated furnaces set to automatically make such congregations impossible is the mechanism by which BaKh's Mu was turned to rubble. You all sat and watched it happen, as the weeks turned to months turned to years, day after day after day. By the time of 2023 Apr, i was writing 2-3 reports a day. --- 20200329_131420 Some random cardiologist just came in questioning my life choices and dispensing penny wisdom. I asked him if he knew where i could find a nutrient canister. "I don't know anything about that." Do you know anything about Katerina Berg? "I don't know anything about that." And across whatever expanse of spacetime, i could hear the controllers crack up laughing. --- 20200329_135055 Extreme thunderstorm to the point of whiteout conditions. I wonder what that magnetized alt+me is doing. Wow. That's some heavy fuckin' rain. --- 20200331_055400 I cannot give things to the nurses, and they are not allowed to accept things. I cannot give them a fruit cup or share with them my candy or chocolate or fruits&nuts; i am not allowed to touch them, they may only touch me. Though the other week i was working on a song, and a nurse asked to hear it. I played the first few bars, and she said, 'Is that it?`. So i played the rest of the song for her. Today i saw her again. Wanna hear that song i was working on? It's almost done. And she said yeah, so i played it for her. --- 20200331_080525 Visitor's Center _ Triage Room [Image of three lines of text seen thru a viewfinder] Busy... Lookin'. like a waiting room. Y'all got a doctor's office going on here [Viewfinder labelled "Spoken half-asleep"] Gerd, Sister of Fate A parent asked his future child; If you turn wicked, can i stop you? Rein you in, like a prancing steed Stomp youout, like a fleeting spark And the child replied I can be failed and left forlorn But never stopped nor made unborn.[1] Melinda, Sister of Prudence Awake anew, ere break of day Your welcome do not overstay Do not rush, but please remember That which burned has turned to ember He who raced upon the meadows Now does rest in pleasant shadows She who hurried but still was late Yet took her time to contemplate.[2] [1]Wow. Imagine three years later still listening to memoryheads discuss how to get to the t. [2]And Lo, i hurried. And Lo, i was "offed". And Lo, still, i lived to take my time to contemplate. --- 20200428_012828 The words don't make any sense: I was in the hospital less than a month ago. Two weeks, six days. Feroceously-paced renovations to the hospital's exohull overnight. Concurrent with Mom's furiously-paced renovations of her own house. On the first day of this month i had a extreme pain extreme pain drainage catheter extreme pain extreme pain stuck in my side. Every night, we watch canned future/retrocasts. The technology to have that kind of leisure is insane but then again so were the tesseract hospitals. /!\Timeline divergence point/!\ I forgot what i was going to say and wrote something else. I met a girl named RJ today. --- 20200401_163050 I love the hospital. --- 20200401_194000 Dreamt of another hospital, seemingly a mirrorworks of this one. In compound vision i saw through four sets of eyes at once, each of them clear and distinct. Everything was rendered in light-grey-on-dark-grey; like the police cars of Toronto. A police hospital. I was awakened by a blaring alarm a couple of rooms over. After sitting up, one of the nurses at the nursing station said something to the effect of 'the pipes showing` causing my mind to retrofit easy-to-maintain, in-plain-view piping and wiring channels onto the design.[1] [1]What is a Render-Microphone? I would also have brightly colored, clearly demarcated lines painted on the floor, to direct personnel and/or patients to this place or that place. I would also have potted plants built into the walls, each with its own hydroponic air filtration properties, or, e.g. aloe vera near the burn unit. --- 20200401_075028 Furiously-paced renovations to the hospital's exohull overnight. Concurrent* with Mom's furiously-paced renovations of her own house. *(Correlation does not imply causation) Yesterday i drowsed, in the way that i'm learning to remote view and to scry; i made myself comfortable in bed and navigated to the space between consciousness and unconsciousness, to the hallway between dreams. I saw a space ship panel being built, but when i looked in the maintenance panel there was somebody hammering away at plywood and 2x4. --- 0401 - @1740, Dreamt of a brand new police hospital; so new i could see the plywood and 2x4s that made up the LCARS display. Gifted a fitbit by Mom, and sewing supplies! 0402 - Got dressed wearing my own clothes for the first time since getting here. (@0202); 1km (10 laps); started wearing a FitBit. Jupiter leases the stacks to Horus so he can put more focus on preparing his house, which Jax is tearing apart. 0403 - Hemoglobin: 81 ; Leukocytes: 9.5 Taken off of Maripenum; Taken off of Vancomycin; Prescribed Metronidazone and Trimethorprim; Walked 1km 0404 - 3.78km. Purchased a FitBit Charge 4. 0406 - Dr. Hussain (F) suggests returning home by the end of the week.[1] Taken off Fluconazole. Leukocytes: 9.8 Hemoglobin:89; PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line removed. --- 20200402_175722 In Whispers of a Machine, there is talk of a substance called Blue: Due to the 3rd Decree today, A.I. is practically nonexistent outside of sanctioned laboratory conditions; Blue, however, is an intelligent neural network, and one that is, in itself, inert; it binds to host neurons and provides advanced neural interconnectivity that is powered by the hosts' neurons themselves[1] [1]Wow, woulnd't'cha love to have tech like that? Dang. 21st century cusp computers typically consist of a CPU (Central Processing Unit), RAM (Random Access Memory), Hard Drive, Video Card, and Motherboard. The brain is the motherboard itself, the hardware stack that sends signals this way or that way; and the VideoCard the Eyes/visual cortex; Hard Drive the hippocampus et al, same with RAM and Cache memory; These were the crude prosthetics of the early days. --- 20200304_143655 I was aken off of Vancomycin and Maripenum today, which is both my IV antibiotics. I debated to keep the Fluconazole and succeeded. In their stead, i was prescribed Metronidazole (which i think i had, once, a long time ago) and Trimethorprim. Fluconazole: Antifungal - treats fungal infections (such as: candidiasis, blastocycosis, coccidiodomycosis, cryptococcosis, histoplasmosis, dermatophytosis, and pityriasis versicolor) Metronidazole: Antiprotozoal + Antibiotic (treats: dracunculiasis, giardiasis, trichomoniasis, amebiasis (as a topical cream), and anerobic organisms such as Bacteroides, Fusobacterium, Clostridium, Peptostreptococcus, and Prevotella(oral)) (Regularly used along with other drugs to prevent infection in people recovering from surgery. Trimethorprim: (treats: aerobic bacteria, such as: Escherichia Coli; Proteus Mirabilis; Klebsiella pneumoniae; Enterobacter(!); Coagulase-Negative Staphylococcus; Streptococcus pneumoniae; S. Saprophyticus; Haemophilus influenze) --- 20200403_192932 I took a pill of hydromorphone, put on my headphones, set the angle of the bed's head & back support back, raised up the knee support, put on CoreArc 2.16, and woke up an hour later feeling completely refreshed. --- 20200404_140249 Things remind me of the hive. When i lived in Toronto, and volunteered at the New Toronto Food Bank, working in the warehouse, sorting food into boxes, shuffling vivaceously around one another, working at this station or that station, and at the end of the shift we went to the cafeteria and were given lunch. Now, here in the hospital, the ward is designed just like the living quarters i designed in Unity. 30 rooms surround a central station where work is done. I have a closet where i keep my clothes, tables for my things; my white robe draped over my walker reminiscient of things that flourish and drape. It was so hard- that is, it took so long- to find the work hive, and i had to blast a hole in my chest to find the residential hive. As shopping becomes increasingly online, and shopping malls are abandoned, malls- with their rooms of various sizes, empty department stores large enough to set up distribution facilities, and centralized courts to meet and gather- would make perfect live-in hives. --- 20200407_164731__Defensive_Metacognitions /!\ParseCorrectly - I said what i said. Hear what i meant to say. /!\SetoActaGammat - Only when it's mine. Yes, but only when we do it my/our way. /!\InvalidAssumption - Negative affirmation is based on incorrect facts. /!\InvoluntaryAssertion - Whatever you've done, that's your burden to bear. /!\ConnotativeCarryover - Those comments occurred in close succession, but are separate topics. /!\CorrelationDoesNotImplyCausation - Two things happening simultaneously does not mean one caused the other. /!\InvalidUser - That voice is not allowed to talk to this one. /!\ImproperContext - The context was altered to reflect hostility, but the original message said what it said. [1]Wow, can you imagine how much of the current conflict would have been preventable if only we had a Core Architecture v3.00 to present these subroutines? Gee, i wonder why they ruined me. --- 20200420_101512 This morning i played my kalimba, and then i wept. --- 20200424_084116__Day16_Outside Every night when i dream, the places i visit are all in ruins. Debris lies everywhere; there are people living in wrecks of houses. Last night, i dreamed of leeches. A man's dreadlock got cut off in a convenience store door and turned into a huge leech that latched onto my body and then multiplied multiple times. I biked from building to building, looking for salt. At a bar i found packets of it; that got rid of a couple of them, and then i had to go look for more. Yesterday, when i wokr up, my phone battery was at 3%. When i went to bed, it was at 30%. This morning, when i woke up, my phone battery was at 0%. WHen i went to bed, it was at 23%. There isn't a good reason why my phone should be using 27% of its charge when i'm sleeping. --- 20200424_091614 It is not truee to say i have dreamt of ruins; ruins have weathered rocks and ancient writings; what i have dreamt of is wreckage; fresh from last month's explosion. In all the dreams i have had, one beacon stands out; i sat with a valkyrie with the side of her head shaved; she said to me: "I'm the diamond warrior of the light!" and i said, "Yes, of the order of the diamond warriors of the light." She said nothing to me; she only turned her head and exposed the shaved side of her hair to me; So i turned my head, and exposed the shaved side of my hair to her, And we agreed, and then she was gone. --- 20200517_040144 This morning, at 1230, when i'm usually in deep sleep. i dreamt that the military-industrial complex planted a seed. When i woke shortly afterward, it was with the feeling of unreality/ artificial reality. It was an artificial reality inception seed, and this time i traced it. When i say, "the military-industrial complex", that is a very large thing, that includes Yutani Corporation, who i am[1] brand-loyal to, and/or the people that have been tracking me all these years, showed me what telecasting was in my nascent days, infected me with tulpa parasites on Christmas morning (see entry) years ago, etc., etc. [1]Was Later, i dreamt i was at some hippie cafe with green walls. There was a table up on stilted legs up so high near the ceiling, and i sat at it. There was another woman there that wanted me to get down; not because she was waiting for company, but because she was the queen of the castle. I saw tournament-style pairings of patronesses and patrons and their secret champions. --- 20200519_054613 Sacremento+Adobe: First arrival at Niagara General Hospital, carrying scraps of journal entries on loose leaf sheets of paper, having already been to Hell, the ICO, Stepdown, the COntrol Tower, the Plane of Order, the Nunnery; introduction to the Advanced Dream Lab. Standard Issue Sacremento: Detailed a ten(!) day period at Niagara General and the Sacremento Adobe Lab where numerous experiments were performed on me. The Lab was destroyed. Cerulean Blue: Writings about recovery in the real world and the aftermath of the destroyed lab. Dreamt of city blocks underneath sheild domes and grid-constrained acres of city wreckage. Transcribed Timeline. Powder Blue: Taped with hospital tape at the corner, began with how i loved the hospital. Detailed the breakdown of consistent doctor coverage and the second Dr. Hussain, who discharged me within 3 days of her charge. Forest Green: Six weeks after discharge; living at my parents' manor. Nighly assaults by the Incubi Team. Trying to heal. --- On 20200213 (Second Month, Thirteenth Day; T+23d after infection, after seven (7) surgeries (dating 0202-0212)), in a room in the basement of Hamilton St. Joseph's Hospital with no windows, that was haunted with the souls of hundreds, thousands that had suffered and died down there; in a room with a clock that was white with straight hands by day and red and wrought-iron by night. i slept, and i dreamt of Hell. On a mountain of pink flesh punctured by tooth-like fangs, i watched as scores of peppy humanoids walked single-file into a machine that ground them up into meat paste. The next day for lunch, i was served meat paste. I ate it. I didn't sleep for three days, until i was moved to a room with a window. --- 20200524_024533 Dreamt i was in a convention center, blue steel and glass. I was running around, trying to find a washroom, which has, in the dreaming, become like the Matrix character's telephones; synonomous with an exit gate. There was another element to the dream, in 16-Bit, where i was wading through dark grass to meet a Goddess. I had gloves ('ghosts`) on when i first went to see her but took them off to navigate the convention center, and i had to put them on again to speak to her; yet things kept distracting me. In my physical room there is a ceiling fan; it spins at a constant rate, quietly, making as few sounds as well-oiled ball bearings spinning next to each other. Fans have become a constant in my dreams; on walls, on floors, slowing me down and threatening to clip me. I couldn't find an empty stall; they were packed with kissing teenagers, or movie seats, all manner of things; they were built like a Soviet Olympic hotel. There was a crawlspace i knew of, but someone had blocked it. I punched the blockage away and Gaster was inside- "I'm going to write a note on your file!" Like, fuck you, asshole. --- 20200524_090044 Ich bach tal Nornu. --- 20200601_074411 A few nights ago, dreamt i found a community center that had been taken over by children, and the children were, haphazardly, running the community center. I didn't write it down, at some 0300 hours in the middle of the night, because i wanted to let the dream-children have their base. Well. It only took four hours for the Missionaries to move in and turn it into a mission. That was my dream at 0700 the same morning. I had another dream, yesterday, that involved groups of people fighting over territory, or something thematically relevant, though it's scarce in my memory now. This morning, i dreamt of a Gun Gale Online server; the whole place, kids and missionaries and soldiers and all, had been turned into the splash zone for a VR gunfighting game. How unusually reasonable. I had to play using a television screen, at a bad angle, with Alex getting in my way in every way he could, and i still scored 5x as high as anyone else. My dream journals, IRL, are several volumes thick, and contain consistent writings of me winning competitions despite constant cheating and sabotage. --- 20200606_112123 In one of these journals there's a dream entry about a cave, and a dragon guarding it. I had a lead riot shield, too heavy to weild (it was also a box conaining a keyboard, or digital djing equipment); i would stake it into the ground whenever the dragon looked at me, for it (the dragon) had a coffin shaped panel where its face would be, that radiation everywhere it looked. I did eventually get past the dragon, and told the kids in the cabin at the end of the cave that it was cool to play loud music, but do turn it down at night in residential areas. That night, or a couple of nights, the family watched a film called The Core. The protagonists had to burrow underground (including getting stuck briefly in a giant geode) to ignite some explosions in the mantle to defibrillate an over-quaking planet. They did this using a giant mechanical wurm whose front-facing panel spat heat that could vaporize rock. --- 20200613_082351 Very large, expansive dreams today; sort of. I dreamt of both my old convention center dreamscape and this new sports bar dreamscape, separated by a huge tract of land: The convention center was where the Metro COnvention Center was, out by the airport in Toronto, and the sports bar was nearly identical to The Hive Sports Bar at St. Clair, but it was way up in the rocky hills of Steeles and Vic Park. I was at the Sports Bar and it was crowded with people. For some reason i was in a wheelchair i had to control with my mind; not a wheelchair like we have in hospitals, but this sigle-occupant vehicle that was supposed to make things easier and could go pretty fast but was difficult to maneouver. At some point, i reached for my backpack and it was missing; i retraced my steps and found it hanging on a chair in the bar; some stuck-up incubus told me i must have hit an extra-dimensional geometry and i said yes, that's what i suspected. I got a call on my phone; it was the first phone i ever owned, some cheap grey thing. As i surveyed whether to take the chair or the TTC, i felt frustrated by the terrible location i found myself at. --- 20200618_152046 In the gulf of Khambat, off the western shore of India, in the Bahamas, off of Cuba; and assorted sites in and around the Mediterranean, there are stone cities, sidewalks, tunnels, statues, 20, 130, 500m below the water. In the Ice Age, the glaciers devoured the north and south, but at the equator, the glaciers froze ocean water, resulting in a 130m drop in sea level. Some 4000 years ago, Khafre was credited as having built the Sphynx, but in reality he vandalized it; the face, carved in his likeness, is much smaller than the neck and "headdress", and the paws are much larger than the face, but not larger than the stone at the neck that was chiseled flat. Water erosion around the stone foundation is much more pronounced than any desert would provide; the concept active is that the erosion was caused by massive runoff, like what a glacier reduction would cause. The glaciers melted around 14,000 years ago, which is when the Lemurian-Atlantean war occurred. --- 20200620_183648 In August 2019 i was asked to come to my parents' house for a month to watch the dogs. When i got there, i found out G's trip had been cancelled. I felt like there were other timelines. That month, i upgraded my house in Last Day on Earth to have multiple rooms, which i built modularly. Later, when i returned to the manor, i discovered i had drawn a map of the manor in LDoE. In January 2020 i did an experiment that hospitalized me. While in hospital i lost my house. I was invited by my mother to her home, to rest and recover. I feel like there are other timelines. This month, i upgraded my farm in Stardew Valley, to have more buildings, which i expanded slowly. There are paths traced in the ground where i walk the most. I accidentally drew a TTC map. --- 20200627_032518 Dreams. Something about a woman named Cathy. A class of people training to be skaberen. Most of them were artists, people that had painted the falls of empires, of scores of winged hosts falling woefully off of Grixian islands. There was some sort of marathon[1] of a test, a body of work and then one had to locate and follow a milleipede without losing it. The person i waas rooting for found it, but lost it in a pile of trash. [1]The Muraganda Marathon, which i successfully returned and WotC didn't. There was a large room, like a courthouse, where the room was split in half by a wall, and on one side of the wall, there was a vending machine for the artists, it was all lever-and-pulley hand operated, for things like pickled cucumbers and pickled cabbage, as well as paints and whatnot. A man attacked me after class. Tall, bald, skeletal, like i am, but his boots were beige, there was something he blamed on me, he gutted my back with a knife on a bridge; i got very serious very quickly. He was stronger than me, and impervious to damage. I escaped him and hid in a cafe, where laws stopped him from attacking me. --- The dreams i have here are so noisy. Like when i first got here, to Mom's house, i dreamt, night after night, of wreckage and destroyed buildings, fallen planks of wood and drywall all over the place; and now, having watched the resident demon boys spruce it up, my dreams are nonetheless filled with the spaces between walls, camera angels that don't let me see anything, unfinished basements, and students, loads of students, graduating, protesting, making flyers in secret bunkers. There are two high schools around the corner from the house. I wonder- am i seeing real dreamers having collective dreams? ---